quote of the week
"Pleasure's a sin, and sometimes sin's a pleasure." - Lord Byron
posted by D-Tox at 10:17 AM
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Monday, February 06, 2006
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
Top 100 opening lines from novels
from American Book Review
100 Best First Lines from Novels
1. Call me Ishmael. —Herman Melville, Moby-Dick (1851)
2. It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife. —Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice (1813)
3. A screaming comes across the sky. —Thomas Pynchon, Gravity's Rainbow (1973)
4. Many years later, as he faced the firing squad, Colonel Aureliano Buendía was to remember that distant afternoon when his father took him to discover ice. —Gabriel García Márquez, One Hundred Years of Solitude (1967; trans. Gregory Rabassa)
5. Lolita, light of my life, fire of my loins. —Vladimir Nabokov, Lolita (1955)
6. Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way. —Leo Tolstoy, Anna Karenina (1877; trans. Constance Garnett)
7. riverrun, past Eve and Adam's, from swerve of shore to bend of bay, brings us by a commodius vicus of recirculation back to Howth Castle and Environs. —James Joyce, Finnegans Wake (1939)
8. It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen. —George Orwell, 1984 (1949)
9. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair. —Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities (1859)
10. I am an invisible man. —Ralph Ellison, Invisible Man (1952)
11. The Miss Lonelyhearts of the New York Post-Dispatch (Are you in trouble?—Do-you-need-advice?—Write-to-Miss-Lonelyhearts-and-she-will-help-you) sat at his desk and stared at a piece of white cardboard. —Nathanael West, Miss Lonelyhearts (1933)
12. You don't know about me without you have read a book by the name of The Adventures of Tom Sawyer; but that ain't no matter. —Mark Twain, Adventures of Huckleberry Finn (1885)
13. Someone must have slandered Josef K., for one morning, without having done anything truly wrong, he was arrested. —Franz Kafka, The Trial (1925; trans. Breon Mitchell)
14. You are about to begin reading Italo Calvino's new novel, If on a winter's night a traveler. —Italo Calvino, If on a winter's night a traveler (1979; trans. William Weaver)
15. The sun shone, having no alternative, on the nothing new. —Samuel Beckett, Murphy (1938)
16. If you really want to hear about it, the first thing you'll probably want to know is where I was born, and what my lousy childhood was like, and how my parents were occupied and all before they had me, and all that David Copperfield kind of crap, but I don't feel like going into it, if you want to know the truth. —J. D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye (1951)
17. Once upon a time and a very good time it was there was a moocow coming down along the road and this moocow that was coming down along the road met a nicens little boy named baby tuckoo. —James Joyce, A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man (1916)
18. This is the saddest story I have ever heard. —Ford Madox Ford, The Good Soldier (1915)
19. I wish either my father or my mother, or indeed both of them, as they were in duty both equally bound to it, had minded what they were about when they begot me; had they duly considered how much depended upon what they were then doing;—that not only the production of a rational Being was concerned in it, but that possibly the happy formation and temperature of his body, perhaps his genius and the very cast of his mind;—and, for aught they knew to the contrary, even the fortunes of his whole house might take their turn from the humours and dispositions which were then uppermost:—Had they duly weighed and considered all this, and proceeded accordingly,—I am verily persuaded I should have made a quite different figure in the world, from that, in which the reader is likely to see me. —Laurence Sterne, Tristram Shandy (1759–1767)
20. Whether I shall turn out to be the hero of my own life, or whether that station will be held by anybody else, these pages must show. —Charles Dickens, David Copperfield (1850)
21. Stately, plump Buck Mulligan came from the stairhead, bearing a bowl of lather on which a mirror and a razor lay crossed. —James Joyce, Ulysses (1922)
22. It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents, except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is in London that our scene lies), rattling along the house-tops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness. —Edward George Bulwer-Lytton, Paul Clifford (1830)
23. One summer afternoon Mrs. Oedipa Maas came home from a Tupperware party whose hostess had put perhaps too much kirsch in the fondue to find that she, Oedipa, had been named executor, or she supposed executrix, of the estate of one Pierce Inverarity, a California real estate mogul who had once lost two million dollars in his spare time but still had assets numerous and tangled enough to make the job of sorting it all out more than honorary. —Thomas Pynchon, The Crying of Lot 49 (1966)
24. It was a wrong number that started it, the telephone ringing three times in the dead of night, and the voice on the other end asking for someone he was not. —Paul Auster, City of Glass (1985)
25. Through the fence, between the curling flower spaces, I could see them hitting. —William Faulkner, The Sound and the Fury (1929)
26. 124 was spiteful. —Toni Morrison, Beloved (1987)
27. Somewhere in la Mancha, in a place whose name I do not care to remember, a gentleman lived not long ago, one of those who has a lance and ancient shield on a shelf and keeps a skinny nag and a greyhound for racing. —Miguel de Cervantes, Don Quixote (1605; trans. Edith Grossman)
28. Mother died today. —Albert Camus, The Stranger (1942; trans. Stuart Gilbert)
29. Every summer Lin Kong returned to Goose Village to divorce his wife, Shuyu. —Ha Jin, Waiting (1999)
30. The sky above the port was the color of television, tuned to a dead channel. —William Gibson, Neuromancer (1984)
31. I am a sick man . . . I am a spiteful man. —Fyodor Dostoyevsky, Notes from Underground (1864; trans. Michael R. Katz)
32. Where now? Who now? When now? —Samuel Beckett, The Unnamable (1953; trans. Patrick Bowles)
33. Once an angry man dragged his father along the ground through his own orchard. "Stop!" cried the groaning old man at last, "Stop! I did not drag my father beyond this tree." —Gertrude Stein, The Making of Americans (1925)
34. In a sense, I am Jacob Horner. —John Barth, The End of the Road (1958)
35. It was like so, but wasn't. —Richard Powers, Galatea 2.2 (1995)
36. —Money . . . in a voice that rustled. —William Gaddis, J R (1975)
37. Mrs. Dalloway said she would buy the flowers herself. —Virginia Woolf, Mrs. Dalloway (1925)
38. All this happened, more or less. —Kurt Vonnegut, Slaughterhouse-Five (1969)
39. They shoot the white girl first. —Toni Morrison, Paradise (1998)
40. For a long time, I went to bed early. —Marcel Proust, Swann's Way (1913; trans. Lydia Davis)
41. The moment one learns English, complications set in. —Felipe Alfau, Chromos (1990)
42. Dr. Weiss, at forty, knew that her life had been ruined by literature. —Anita Brookner, The Debut (1981)
43. I was the shadow of the waxwing slain / By the false azure in the windowpane; —Vladimir Nabokov, Pale Fire (1962)
44. Ships at a distance have every man's wish on board. —Zora Neale Hurston, Their Eyes Were Watching God (1937)
45. I had the story, bit by bit, from various people, and, as generally happens in such cases, each time it was a different story. —Edith Wharton, Ethan Frome (1911)
46. Ages ago, Alex, Allen and Alva arrived at Antibes, and Alva allowing all, allowing anyone, against Alex's admonition, against Allen's angry assertion: another African amusement . . . anyhow, as all argued, an awesome African army assembled and arduously advanced against an African anthill, assiduously annihilating ant after ant, and afterward, Alex astonishingly accuses Albert as also accepting Africa's antipodal ant annexation. —Walter Abish, Alphabetical Africa (1974)
47. There was a boy called Eustace Clarence Scrubb, and he almost deserved it. —C. S. Lewis, The Voyage of the Dawn Treader (1952)
48. He was an old man who fished alone in a skiff in the Gulf Stream and he had gone eighty-four days now without taking a fish. —Ernest Hemingway, The Old Man and the Sea (1952)
49. It was the day my grandmother exploded. —Iain M. Banks, The Crow Road (1992)
50. I was born twice: first, as a baby girl, on a remarkably smogless Detroit day in January of 1960; and then again, as a teenage boy, in an emergency room near Petoskey, Michigan, in August of 1974. —Jeffrey Eugenides, Middlesex (2002)
51. Elmer Gantry was drunk. —Sinclair Lewis, Elmer Gantry (1927)
52. We started dying before the snow, and like the snow, we continued to fall. —Louise Erdrich, Tracks (1988)
53. It was a pleasure to burn. —Ray Bradbury, Fahrenheit 451 (1953)
54. A story has no beginning or end; arbitrarily one chooses that moment of experience from which to look back or from which to look ahead. —Graham Greene, The End of the Affair (1951)
55. Having placed in my mouth sufficient bread for three minutes' chewing, I withdrew my powers of sensual perception and retired into the privacy of my mind, my eyes and face assuming a vacant and preoccupied expression. —Flann O'Brien, At Swim-Two-Birds (1939)
56. I was born in the Year 1632, in the City of York, of a good Family, tho' not of that Country, my Father being a Foreigner of Bremen, who settled first at Hull; He got a good Estate by Merchandise, and leaving off his Trade, lived afterward at York, from whence he had married my Mother, whose Relations were named Robinson, a very good Family in that Country, and from whom I was called Robinson Kreutznaer; but by the usual Corruption of Words in England, we are now called, nay we call our selves, and write our Name Crusoe, and so my Companions always call'd me. —Daniel Defoe, Robinson Crusoe (1719)
57. In the beginning, sometimes I left messages in the street. —David Markson, Wittgenstein's Mistress (1988)
58. Miss Brooke had that kind of beauty which seems to be thrown into relief by poor dress. —George Eliot, Middlemarch (1872)
59. It was love at first sight. —Joseph Heller, Catch-22 (1961)
60. What if this young woman, who writes such bad poems, in competition with her husband, whose poems are equally bad, should stretch her remarkably long and well-made legs out before you, so that her skirt slips up to the tops of her stockings? —Gilbert Sorrentino, Imaginative Qualities of Actual Things (1971)
61. I have never begun a novel with more misgiving. —W. Somerset Maugham, The Razor's Edge (1944)
62. Once upon a time, there was a woman who discovered she had turned into the wrong person. —Anne Tyler, Back When We Were Grownups (2001)
63. The human race, to which so many of my readers belong, has been playing at children's games from the beginning, and will probably do it till the end, which is a nuisance for the few people who grow up. —G. K. Chesterton, The Napoleon of Notting Hill (1904)
64. In my younger and more vulnerable years my father gave me some advice that I've been turning over in my mind ever since. —F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby (1925)
65. You better not never tell nobody but God. —Alice Walker, The Color Purple (1982)
66. "To be born again," sang Gibreel Farishta tumbling from the heavens, "first you have to die." —Salman Rushdie, The Satanic Verses (1988)
67. It was a queer, sultry summer, the summer they electrocuted the Rosenbergs, and I didn't know what I was doing in New York. —Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar (1963)
68. Most really pretty girls have pretty ugly feet, and so does Mindy Metalman, Lenore notices, all of a sudden. —David Foster Wallace, The Broom of the System (1987)
69. If I am out of my mind, it's all right with me, thought Moses Herzog. —Saul Bellow, Herzog (1964)
70. Francis Marion Tarwater's uncle had been dead for only half a day when the boy got too drunk to finish digging his grave and a Negro named Buford Munson, who had come to get a jug filled, had to finish it and drag the body from the breakfast table where it was still sitting and bury it in a decent and Christian way, with the sign of its Saviour at the head of the grave and enough dirt on top to keep the dogs from digging it up. —Flannery O'Connor, The Violent Bear it Away (1960)
71. Granted: I am an inmate of a mental hospital; my keeper is watching me, he never lets me out of his sight; there's a peephole in the door, and my keeper's eye is the shade of brown that can never see through a blue-eyed type like me. —GŸnter Grass, The Tin Drum (1959; trans. Ralph Manheim)
72. When Dick Gibson was a little boy he was not Dick Gibson. —Stanley Elkin, The Dick Gibson Show (1971)
73. Hiram Clegg, together with his wife Emma and four friends of the faith from Randolph Junction, were summoned by the Spirit and Mrs. Clara Collins, widow of the beloved Nazarene preacher Ely Collins, to West Condon on the weekend of the eighteenth and nineteenth of April, there to await the End of the World. —Robert Coover, The Origin of the Brunists (1966)
74. She waited, Kate Croy, for her father to come in, but he kept her unconscionably, and there were moments at which she showed herself, in the glass over the mantel, a face positively pale with the irritation that had brought her to the point of going away without sight of him. —Henry James, The Wings of the Dove (1902)
75. In the late summer of that year we lived in a house in a village that looked across the river and the plain to the mountains. —Ernest Hemingway, A Farewell to Arms (1929)
76. "Take my camel, dear," said my Aunt Dot, as she climbed down from this animal on her return from High Mass. —Rose Macaulay, The Towers of Trebizond (1956)
77. He was an inch, perhaps two, under six feet, powerfully built, and he advanced straight at you with a slight stoop of the shoulders, head forward, and a fixed from-under stare which made you think of a charging bull. —Joseph Conrad, Lord Jim (1900)
78. The past is a foreign country; they do things differently there. —L. P. Hartley, The Go-Between (1953)
79. On my naming day when I come 12 I gone front spear and kilt a wyld boar he parbly ben the las wyld pig on the Bundel Downs any how there hadnt ben none for a long time befor him nor I aint looking to see none agen. —Russell Hoban, Riddley Walker (1980)
80. Justice?—You get justice in the next world, in this world you have the law. —William Gaddis, A Frolic of His Own (1994)
81. Vaughan died yesterday in his last car-crash. —J. G. Ballard, Crash (1973)
82. I write this sitting in the kitchen sink. —Dodie Smith, I Capture the Castle (1948)
83. "When your mama was the geek, my dreamlets," Papa would say, "she made the nipping off of noggins such a crystal mystery that the hens themselves yearned toward her, waltzing around her, hypnotized with longing." —Katherine Dunn, Geek Love (1983)
84. In the last years of the Seventeenth Century there was to be found among the fops and fools of the London coffee-houses one rangy, gangling flitch called Ebenezer Cooke, more ambitious than talented, and yet more talented than prudent, who, like his friends-in-folly, all of whom were supposed to be educating at Oxford or Cambridge, had found the sound of Mother English more fun to game with than her sense to labor over, and so rather than applying himself to the pains of scholarship, had learned the knack of versifying, and ground out quires of couplets after the fashion of the day, afroth with Joves and Jupiters, aclang with jarring rhymes, and string-taut with similes stretched to the snapping-point. —John Barth, The Sot-Weed Factor (1960)
85. When I finally caught up with Abraham Trahearne, he was drinking beer with an alcoholic bulldog named Fireball Roberts in a ramshackle joint just outside of Sonoma, California, drinking the heart right out of a fine spring afternoon. —James Crumley, The Last Good Kiss (1978)
86. It was just noon that Sunday morning when the sheriff reached the jail with Lucas Beauchamp though the whole town (the whole county too for that matter) had known since the night before that Lucas had killed a white man. —William Faulkner, Intruder in the Dust (1948)
87. I, Tiberius Claudius Drusus Nero Germanicus This-that-and-the-other (for I shall not trouble you yet with all my titles) who was once, and not so long ago either, known to my friends and relatives and associates as "Claudius the Idiot," or "That Claudius," or "Claudius the Stammerer," or "Clau-Clau-Claudius" or at best as "Poor Uncle Claudius," am now about to write this strange history of my life; starting from my earliest childhood and continuing year by year until I reach the fateful point of change where, some eight years ago, at the age of fifty-one, I suddenly found myself caught in what I may call the "golden predicament" from which I have never since become disentangled. —Robert Graves, I, Claudius (1934)
88. Of all the things that drive men to sea, the most common disaster, I've come to learn, is women. —Charles Johnson, Middle Passage (1990)
89. I am an American, Chicago born—Chicago, that somber city—and go at things as I have taught myself, free-style, and will make the record in my own way: first to knock, first admitted; sometimes an innocent knock, sometimes a not so innocent. —Saul Bellow, The Adventures of Augie March (1953)
90. The towers of Zenith aspired above the morning mist; austere towers of steel and cement and limestone, sturdy as cliffs and delicate as silver rods. —Sinclair Lewis, Babbitt (1922)
91. I will tell you in a few words who I am: lover of the hummingbird that darts to the flower beyond the rotted sill where my feet are propped; lover of bright needlepoint and the bright stitching fingers of humorless old ladies bent to their sweet and infamous designs; lover of parasols made from the same puffy stuff as a young girl's underdrawers; still lover of that small naval boat which somehow survived the distressing years of my life between her decks or in her pilothouse; and also lover of poor dear black Sonny, my mess boy, fellow victim and confidant, and of my wife and child. But most of all, lover of my harmless and sanguine self. —John Hawkes, Second Skin (1964)
92. He was born with a gift of laughter and a sense that the world was mad. —Raphael Sabatini, Scaramouche (1921)
93. Psychics can see the color of time it's blue. —Ronald Sukenick, Blown Away (1986)
94. In the town, there were two mutes and they were always together. —Carson McCullers, The Heart is a Lonely Hunter (1940)
95. Once upon a time two or three weeks ago, a rather stubborn and determined middle-aged man decided to record for posterity, exactly as it happened, word by word and step by step, the story of another man for indeed what is great in man is that he is a bridge and not a goal, a somewhat paranoiac fellow unmarried, unattached, and quite irresponsible, who had decided to lock himself in a room a furnished room with a private bath, cooking facilities, a bed, a table, and at least one chair, in New York City, for a year 365 days to be precise, to write the story of another person—a shy young man about of 19 years old—who, after the war the Second World War, had come to America the land of opportunities from France under the sponsorship of his uncle—a journalist, fluent in five languages—who himself had come to America from Europe Poland it seems, though this was not clearly established sometime during the war after a series of rather gruesome adventures, and who, at the end of the war, wrote to the father his cousin by marriage of the young man whom he considered as a nephew, curious to know if he the father and his family had survived the German occupation, and indeed was deeply saddened to learn, in a letter from the young man—a long and touching letter written in English, not by the young man, however, who did not know a damn word of English, but by a good friend of his who had studied English in school—that his parents both his father and mother and his two sisters one older and the other younger than he had been deported they were Jewish to a German concentration camp Auschwitz probably and never returned, no doubt having been exterminated deliberately X * X * X * X, and that, therefore, the young man who was now an orphan, a displaced person, who, during the war, had managed to escape deportation by working very hard on a farm in Southern France, would be happy and grateful to be given the opportunity to come to America that great country he had heard so much about and yet knew so little about to start a new life, possibly go to school, learn a trade, and become a good, loyal citizen. —Raymond Federman, Double or Nothing (1971)
96. Time is not a line but a dimension, like the dimensions of space. —Margaret Atwood, Cat's Eye (1988)
97. He—for there could be no doubt of his sex, though the fashion of the time did something to disguise it—was in the act of slicing at the head of a Moor which swung from the rafters. —Virginia Woolf, Orlando (1928)
98. High, high above the North Pole, on the first day of 1969, two professors of English Literature approached each other at a combined velocity of 1200 miles per hour. —David Lodge, Changing Places (1975)
99. They say when trouble comes close ranks, and so the white people did. —Jean Rhys, Wide Sargasso Sea (1966)
100. The cold passed reluctantly from the earth, and the retiring fogs revealed an army stretched out on the hills, resting. —Stephen Crane, The Red Badge of Courage (1895)
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100 Best First Lines from Novels
1. Call me Ishmael. —Herman Melville, Moby-Dick (1851)
2. It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife. —Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice (1813)
3. A screaming comes across the sky. —Thomas Pynchon, Gravity's Rainbow (1973)
4. Many years later, as he faced the firing squad, Colonel Aureliano Buendía was to remember that distant afternoon when his father took him to discover ice. —Gabriel García Márquez, One Hundred Years of Solitude (1967; trans. Gregory Rabassa)
5. Lolita, light of my life, fire of my loins. —Vladimir Nabokov, Lolita (1955)
6. Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way. —Leo Tolstoy, Anna Karenina (1877; trans. Constance Garnett)
7. riverrun, past Eve and Adam's, from swerve of shore to bend of bay, brings us by a commodius vicus of recirculation back to Howth Castle and Environs. —James Joyce, Finnegans Wake (1939)
8. It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen. —George Orwell, 1984 (1949)
9. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair. —Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities (1859)
10. I am an invisible man. —Ralph Ellison, Invisible Man (1952)
11. The Miss Lonelyhearts of the New York Post-Dispatch (Are you in trouble?—Do-you-need-advice?—Write-to-Miss-Lonelyhearts-and-she-will-help-you) sat at his desk and stared at a piece of white cardboard. —Nathanael West, Miss Lonelyhearts (1933)
12. You don't know about me without you have read a book by the name of The Adventures of Tom Sawyer; but that ain't no matter. —Mark Twain, Adventures of Huckleberry Finn (1885)
13. Someone must have slandered Josef K., for one morning, without having done anything truly wrong, he was arrested. —Franz Kafka, The Trial (1925; trans. Breon Mitchell)
14. You are about to begin reading Italo Calvino's new novel, If on a winter's night a traveler. —Italo Calvino, If on a winter's night a traveler (1979; trans. William Weaver)
15. The sun shone, having no alternative, on the nothing new. —Samuel Beckett, Murphy (1938)
16. If you really want to hear about it, the first thing you'll probably want to know is where I was born, and what my lousy childhood was like, and how my parents were occupied and all before they had me, and all that David Copperfield kind of crap, but I don't feel like going into it, if you want to know the truth. —J. D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye (1951)
17. Once upon a time and a very good time it was there was a moocow coming down along the road and this moocow that was coming down along the road met a nicens little boy named baby tuckoo. —James Joyce, A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man (1916)
18. This is the saddest story I have ever heard. —Ford Madox Ford, The Good Soldier (1915)
19. I wish either my father or my mother, or indeed both of them, as they were in duty both equally bound to it, had minded what they were about when they begot me; had they duly considered how much depended upon what they were then doing;—that not only the production of a rational Being was concerned in it, but that possibly the happy formation and temperature of his body, perhaps his genius and the very cast of his mind;—and, for aught they knew to the contrary, even the fortunes of his whole house might take their turn from the humours and dispositions which were then uppermost:—Had they duly weighed and considered all this, and proceeded accordingly,—I am verily persuaded I should have made a quite different figure in the world, from that, in which the reader is likely to see me. —Laurence Sterne, Tristram Shandy (1759–1767)
20. Whether I shall turn out to be the hero of my own life, or whether that station will be held by anybody else, these pages must show. —Charles Dickens, David Copperfield (1850)
21. Stately, plump Buck Mulligan came from the stairhead, bearing a bowl of lather on which a mirror and a razor lay crossed. —James Joyce, Ulysses (1922)
22. It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents, except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is in London that our scene lies), rattling along the house-tops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness. —Edward George Bulwer-Lytton, Paul Clifford (1830)
23. One summer afternoon Mrs. Oedipa Maas came home from a Tupperware party whose hostess had put perhaps too much kirsch in the fondue to find that she, Oedipa, had been named executor, or she supposed executrix, of the estate of one Pierce Inverarity, a California real estate mogul who had once lost two million dollars in his spare time but still had assets numerous and tangled enough to make the job of sorting it all out more than honorary. —Thomas Pynchon, The Crying of Lot 49 (1966)
24. It was a wrong number that started it, the telephone ringing three times in the dead of night, and the voice on the other end asking for someone he was not. —Paul Auster, City of Glass (1985)
25. Through the fence, between the curling flower spaces, I could see them hitting. —William Faulkner, The Sound and the Fury (1929)
26. 124 was spiteful. —Toni Morrison, Beloved (1987)
27. Somewhere in la Mancha, in a place whose name I do not care to remember, a gentleman lived not long ago, one of those who has a lance and ancient shield on a shelf and keeps a skinny nag and a greyhound for racing. —Miguel de Cervantes, Don Quixote (1605; trans. Edith Grossman)
28. Mother died today. —Albert Camus, The Stranger (1942; trans. Stuart Gilbert)
29. Every summer Lin Kong returned to Goose Village to divorce his wife, Shuyu. —Ha Jin, Waiting (1999)
30. The sky above the port was the color of television, tuned to a dead channel. —William Gibson, Neuromancer (1984)
31. I am a sick man . . . I am a spiteful man. —Fyodor Dostoyevsky, Notes from Underground (1864; trans. Michael R. Katz)
32. Where now? Who now? When now? —Samuel Beckett, The Unnamable (1953; trans. Patrick Bowles)
33. Once an angry man dragged his father along the ground through his own orchard. "Stop!" cried the groaning old man at last, "Stop! I did not drag my father beyond this tree." —Gertrude Stein, The Making of Americans (1925)
34. In a sense, I am Jacob Horner. —John Barth, The End of the Road (1958)
35. It was like so, but wasn't. —Richard Powers, Galatea 2.2 (1995)
36. —Money . . . in a voice that rustled. —William Gaddis, J R (1975)
37. Mrs. Dalloway said she would buy the flowers herself. —Virginia Woolf, Mrs. Dalloway (1925)
38. All this happened, more or less. —Kurt Vonnegut, Slaughterhouse-Five (1969)
39. They shoot the white girl first. —Toni Morrison, Paradise (1998)
40. For a long time, I went to bed early. —Marcel Proust, Swann's Way (1913; trans. Lydia Davis)
41. The moment one learns English, complications set in. —Felipe Alfau, Chromos (1990)
42. Dr. Weiss, at forty, knew that her life had been ruined by literature. —Anita Brookner, The Debut (1981)
43. I was the shadow of the waxwing slain / By the false azure in the windowpane; —Vladimir Nabokov, Pale Fire (1962)
44. Ships at a distance have every man's wish on board. —Zora Neale Hurston, Their Eyes Were Watching God (1937)
45. I had the story, bit by bit, from various people, and, as generally happens in such cases, each time it was a different story. —Edith Wharton, Ethan Frome (1911)
46. Ages ago, Alex, Allen and Alva arrived at Antibes, and Alva allowing all, allowing anyone, against Alex's admonition, against Allen's angry assertion: another African amusement . . . anyhow, as all argued, an awesome African army assembled and arduously advanced against an African anthill, assiduously annihilating ant after ant, and afterward, Alex astonishingly accuses Albert as also accepting Africa's antipodal ant annexation. —Walter Abish, Alphabetical Africa (1974)
47. There was a boy called Eustace Clarence Scrubb, and he almost deserved it. —C. S. Lewis, The Voyage of the Dawn Treader (1952)
48. He was an old man who fished alone in a skiff in the Gulf Stream and he had gone eighty-four days now without taking a fish. —Ernest Hemingway, The Old Man and the Sea (1952)
49. It was the day my grandmother exploded. —Iain M. Banks, The Crow Road (1992)
50. I was born twice: first, as a baby girl, on a remarkably smogless Detroit day in January of 1960; and then again, as a teenage boy, in an emergency room near Petoskey, Michigan, in August of 1974. —Jeffrey Eugenides, Middlesex (2002)
51. Elmer Gantry was drunk. —Sinclair Lewis, Elmer Gantry (1927)
52. We started dying before the snow, and like the snow, we continued to fall. —Louise Erdrich, Tracks (1988)
53. It was a pleasure to burn. —Ray Bradbury, Fahrenheit 451 (1953)
54. A story has no beginning or end; arbitrarily one chooses that moment of experience from which to look back or from which to look ahead. —Graham Greene, The End of the Affair (1951)
55. Having placed in my mouth sufficient bread for three minutes' chewing, I withdrew my powers of sensual perception and retired into the privacy of my mind, my eyes and face assuming a vacant and preoccupied expression. —Flann O'Brien, At Swim-Two-Birds (1939)
56. I was born in the Year 1632, in the City of York, of a good Family, tho' not of that Country, my Father being a Foreigner of Bremen, who settled first at Hull; He got a good Estate by Merchandise, and leaving off his Trade, lived afterward at York, from whence he had married my Mother, whose Relations were named Robinson, a very good Family in that Country, and from whom I was called Robinson Kreutznaer; but by the usual Corruption of Words in England, we are now called, nay we call our selves, and write our Name Crusoe, and so my Companions always call'd me. —Daniel Defoe, Robinson Crusoe (1719)
57. In the beginning, sometimes I left messages in the street. —David Markson, Wittgenstein's Mistress (1988)
58. Miss Brooke had that kind of beauty which seems to be thrown into relief by poor dress. —George Eliot, Middlemarch (1872)
59. It was love at first sight. —Joseph Heller, Catch-22 (1961)
60. What if this young woman, who writes such bad poems, in competition with her husband, whose poems are equally bad, should stretch her remarkably long and well-made legs out before you, so that her skirt slips up to the tops of her stockings? —Gilbert Sorrentino, Imaginative Qualities of Actual Things (1971)
61. I have never begun a novel with more misgiving. —W. Somerset Maugham, The Razor's Edge (1944)
62. Once upon a time, there was a woman who discovered she had turned into the wrong person. —Anne Tyler, Back When We Were Grownups (2001)
63. The human race, to which so many of my readers belong, has been playing at children's games from the beginning, and will probably do it till the end, which is a nuisance for the few people who grow up. —G. K. Chesterton, The Napoleon of Notting Hill (1904)
64. In my younger and more vulnerable years my father gave me some advice that I've been turning over in my mind ever since. —F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby (1925)
65. You better not never tell nobody but God. —Alice Walker, The Color Purple (1982)
66. "To be born again," sang Gibreel Farishta tumbling from the heavens, "first you have to die." —Salman Rushdie, The Satanic Verses (1988)
67. It was a queer, sultry summer, the summer they electrocuted the Rosenbergs, and I didn't know what I was doing in New York. —Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar (1963)
68. Most really pretty girls have pretty ugly feet, and so does Mindy Metalman, Lenore notices, all of a sudden. —David Foster Wallace, The Broom of the System (1987)
69. If I am out of my mind, it's all right with me, thought Moses Herzog. —Saul Bellow, Herzog (1964)
70. Francis Marion Tarwater's uncle had been dead for only half a day when the boy got too drunk to finish digging his grave and a Negro named Buford Munson, who had come to get a jug filled, had to finish it and drag the body from the breakfast table where it was still sitting and bury it in a decent and Christian way, with the sign of its Saviour at the head of the grave and enough dirt on top to keep the dogs from digging it up. —Flannery O'Connor, The Violent Bear it Away (1960)
71. Granted: I am an inmate of a mental hospital; my keeper is watching me, he never lets me out of his sight; there's a peephole in the door, and my keeper's eye is the shade of brown that can never see through a blue-eyed type like me. —GŸnter Grass, The Tin Drum (1959; trans. Ralph Manheim)
72. When Dick Gibson was a little boy he was not Dick Gibson. —Stanley Elkin, The Dick Gibson Show (1971)
73. Hiram Clegg, together with his wife Emma and four friends of the faith from Randolph Junction, were summoned by the Spirit and Mrs. Clara Collins, widow of the beloved Nazarene preacher Ely Collins, to West Condon on the weekend of the eighteenth and nineteenth of April, there to await the End of the World. —Robert Coover, The Origin of the Brunists (1966)
74. She waited, Kate Croy, for her father to come in, but he kept her unconscionably, and there were moments at which she showed herself, in the glass over the mantel, a face positively pale with the irritation that had brought her to the point of going away without sight of him. —Henry James, The Wings of the Dove (1902)
75. In the late summer of that year we lived in a house in a village that looked across the river and the plain to the mountains. —Ernest Hemingway, A Farewell to Arms (1929)
76. "Take my camel, dear," said my Aunt Dot, as she climbed down from this animal on her return from High Mass. —Rose Macaulay, The Towers of Trebizond (1956)
77. He was an inch, perhaps two, under six feet, powerfully built, and he advanced straight at you with a slight stoop of the shoulders, head forward, and a fixed from-under stare which made you think of a charging bull. —Joseph Conrad, Lord Jim (1900)
78. The past is a foreign country; they do things differently there. —L. P. Hartley, The Go-Between (1953)
79. On my naming day when I come 12 I gone front spear and kilt a wyld boar he parbly ben the las wyld pig on the Bundel Downs any how there hadnt ben none for a long time befor him nor I aint looking to see none agen. —Russell Hoban, Riddley Walker (1980)
80. Justice?—You get justice in the next world, in this world you have the law. —William Gaddis, A Frolic of His Own (1994)
81. Vaughan died yesterday in his last car-crash. —J. G. Ballard, Crash (1973)
82. I write this sitting in the kitchen sink. —Dodie Smith, I Capture the Castle (1948)
83. "When your mama was the geek, my dreamlets," Papa would say, "she made the nipping off of noggins such a crystal mystery that the hens themselves yearned toward her, waltzing around her, hypnotized with longing." —Katherine Dunn, Geek Love (1983)
84. In the last years of the Seventeenth Century there was to be found among the fops and fools of the London coffee-houses one rangy, gangling flitch called Ebenezer Cooke, more ambitious than talented, and yet more talented than prudent, who, like his friends-in-folly, all of whom were supposed to be educating at Oxford or Cambridge, had found the sound of Mother English more fun to game with than her sense to labor over, and so rather than applying himself to the pains of scholarship, had learned the knack of versifying, and ground out quires of couplets after the fashion of the day, afroth with Joves and Jupiters, aclang with jarring rhymes, and string-taut with similes stretched to the snapping-point. —John Barth, The Sot-Weed Factor (1960)
85. When I finally caught up with Abraham Trahearne, he was drinking beer with an alcoholic bulldog named Fireball Roberts in a ramshackle joint just outside of Sonoma, California, drinking the heart right out of a fine spring afternoon. —James Crumley, The Last Good Kiss (1978)
86. It was just noon that Sunday morning when the sheriff reached the jail with Lucas Beauchamp though the whole town (the whole county too for that matter) had known since the night before that Lucas had killed a white man. —William Faulkner, Intruder in the Dust (1948)
87. I, Tiberius Claudius Drusus Nero Germanicus This-that-and-the-other (for I shall not trouble you yet with all my titles) who was once, and not so long ago either, known to my friends and relatives and associates as "Claudius the Idiot," or "That Claudius," or "Claudius the Stammerer," or "Clau-Clau-Claudius" or at best as "Poor Uncle Claudius," am now about to write this strange history of my life; starting from my earliest childhood and continuing year by year until I reach the fateful point of change where, some eight years ago, at the age of fifty-one, I suddenly found myself caught in what I may call the "golden predicament" from which I have never since become disentangled. —Robert Graves, I, Claudius (1934)
88. Of all the things that drive men to sea, the most common disaster, I've come to learn, is women. —Charles Johnson, Middle Passage (1990)
89. I am an American, Chicago born—Chicago, that somber city—and go at things as I have taught myself, free-style, and will make the record in my own way: first to knock, first admitted; sometimes an innocent knock, sometimes a not so innocent. —Saul Bellow, The Adventures of Augie March (1953)
90. The towers of Zenith aspired above the morning mist; austere towers of steel and cement and limestone, sturdy as cliffs and delicate as silver rods. —Sinclair Lewis, Babbitt (1922)
91. I will tell you in a few words who I am: lover of the hummingbird that darts to the flower beyond the rotted sill where my feet are propped; lover of bright needlepoint and the bright stitching fingers of humorless old ladies bent to their sweet and infamous designs; lover of parasols made from the same puffy stuff as a young girl's underdrawers; still lover of that small naval boat which somehow survived the distressing years of my life between her decks or in her pilothouse; and also lover of poor dear black Sonny, my mess boy, fellow victim and confidant, and of my wife and child. But most of all, lover of my harmless and sanguine self. —John Hawkes, Second Skin (1964)
92. He was born with a gift of laughter and a sense that the world was mad. —Raphael Sabatini, Scaramouche (1921)
93. Psychics can see the color of time it's blue. —Ronald Sukenick, Blown Away (1986)
94. In the town, there were two mutes and they were always together. —Carson McCullers, The Heart is a Lonely Hunter (1940)
95. Once upon a time two or three weeks ago, a rather stubborn and determined middle-aged man decided to record for posterity, exactly as it happened, word by word and step by step, the story of another man for indeed what is great in man is that he is a bridge and not a goal, a somewhat paranoiac fellow unmarried, unattached, and quite irresponsible, who had decided to lock himself in a room a furnished room with a private bath, cooking facilities, a bed, a table, and at least one chair, in New York City, for a year 365 days to be precise, to write the story of another person—a shy young man about of 19 years old—who, after the war the Second World War, had come to America the land of opportunities from France under the sponsorship of his uncle—a journalist, fluent in five languages—who himself had come to America from Europe Poland it seems, though this was not clearly established sometime during the war after a series of rather gruesome adventures, and who, at the end of the war, wrote to the father his cousin by marriage of the young man whom he considered as a nephew, curious to know if he the father and his family had survived the German occupation, and indeed was deeply saddened to learn, in a letter from the young man—a long and touching letter written in English, not by the young man, however, who did not know a damn word of English, but by a good friend of his who had studied English in school—that his parents both his father and mother and his two sisters one older and the other younger than he had been deported they were Jewish to a German concentration camp Auschwitz probably and never returned, no doubt having been exterminated deliberately X * X * X * X, and that, therefore, the young man who was now an orphan, a displaced person, who, during the war, had managed to escape deportation by working very hard on a farm in Southern France, would be happy and grateful to be given the opportunity to come to America that great country he had heard so much about and yet knew so little about to start a new life, possibly go to school, learn a trade, and become a good, loyal citizen. —Raymond Federman, Double or Nothing (1971)
96. Time is not a line but a dimension, like the dimensions of space. —Margaret Atwood, Cat's Eye (1988)
97. He—for there could be no doubt of his sex, though the fashion of the time did something to disguise it—was in the act of slicing at the head of a Moor which swung from the rafters. —Virginia Woolf, Orlando (1928)
98. High, high above the North Pole, on the first day of 1969, two professors of English Literature approached each other at a combined velocity of 1200 miles per hour. —David Lodge, Changing Places (1975)
99. They say when trouble comes close ranks, and so the white people did. —Jean Rhys, Wide Sargasso Sea (1966)
100. The cold passed reluctantly from the earth, and the retiring fogs revealed an army stretched out on the hills, resting. —Stephen Crane, The Red Badge of Courage (1895)
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posted by D-Tox at 10:02 AM
0 comments
Thursday, January 26, 2006
another boring quote
"The trouble with resisting temptation is it may never come your way again." - Anonymous
posted by D-Tox at 9:18 AM
0 comments
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
25 Things Every Man Should Know How to Do.
from askmen.com
Have you ever wondered why Patty and Selma never miss an episode of MacGyver? The reason is simple: Women (yes, even celibate, cartoon women) love a man with a vast reservoir of knowledge. Whether it's knowing what to say when you're in bed or being able to build an explosive out of a roll of toilet paper and a pile of pigeon poo, having all the right answers is just plain sexy.Make yourself as irresistible as Richard Dean Anderson by following the helpful tips.
1- Control your emotions at work
Far too many of us have seen our coworkers commit career suicide by throwing childlike tantrums at work. Fortunately, you can avoid the same fate by applying AskMen.com's certified job saving techniques. When something doesn't go your way, give yourself time before you react. Take a walk to cool down, talk to someone who can calm you down or go to the gym to work off your anger. If you don't have the luxury of time, ask for clarification before you react and give yourself a standing 10 count before you say something you might regret. Control your emotions before they control you.
2- Keep your memory sharp
Do you find yourself frequently forgetting the name of that do-hickey from the what-ja-mabob? The good news is retaining information is as easy as 1-2 and, uh... whatever number comes after two. When you receive new information, be an active listener, imagine that everything you hear and see is vital, make links between what you're trying to recollect and things you already know, and repeat what's said. Now what was I talking about?
3- Keep your clothes wrinkle-free
Are your clothes starting to look more wrinkled than Elizabeth Taylor's backside? Take immediate action through these simple steps: a) Fold and hang your clothes as soon as the dryer's spin cycle is complete; b) Always store a piece of clothing as soon as you take it off; and, c) Avoid pulling up your pants when sitting down. If all else fails, simply throw your clothes in the dryer a second time and they'll come out looking good as new.
4- Avoid a hangover
Just because you're planning on having a smashing night on the town, doesn't mean you have to have a smashing reminder the next day. Stop your hangover before it begins by preparing your body properly. Put some food in your beer belly, drink milk to coat the lining of your stomach and toss back a couple of multivitamins to minimize the amount of nutrients you'll lose.
5- Keep it up when you're tired
We all have moments in our lives when Little Elvis decides to leave the building. Be it booze, fatigue or a woman who looks like Abe Vigoda, there's probably a simple reason you can't get it up. If that reason happens to be fatigue, then the solution is easier than you think. Next time you think you're too pooped to pop, try eating, taking a nap or just zoning out in front of the tube. Your little friend will thank you for the chance to recuperate.
6- Avoid boredom at work I
f you're anything like most people, your work is likely more numbing than Novocaine. The good news is you can prevent yourself from slipping into REM by being proactive. Ask for new projects, volunteer for tasks not related to your job, expand your knowledge of your field and your industry, and turn downtime into networking time by engaging your colleagues in brainstorming sessions. With any luck, your newfound ability to stay awake might even land you a promotion out of the mailroom.
7- Choose a first-date location
First dates can be stressful enough, so why add to the pressure by choosing a lousy location? Win over your date from the start by proving that your "raison d'etre" is to provide her with the best life has to offer. Invite her to your place for a gourmet meal (sorry, mac & cheese doesn't count), whisk her away to a luxurious resort or simply enchant her with a picnic along the water. Oh, and one more thing. Whatever you do, make sure your wife isn't going to be there at the same time.
8- Spot a woman who will be good in bed
Sometimes you can just tell if a woman is going to be spectacular in the sack. If she's a good kisser, you know she has the potential to be sensuous. If she's a good dancer, you know she's comfortable with her body. If she's flexible, you know she can perform 101 positions in bed. And if she can skin a lion with her hands tied behind her back, you know she's the woman for you.
9- Read a woman's body language
Unlike cars and fondue sets, women don't come with owner's manuals. So if you want to understand them, you have to look closely for a number of subtle signs. For instance, a woman who is lustful will sit with her hips and chest out and will make prolonged eye contact. A woman who is feeling flirtatious will laugh more often than usual, smile constantly, and fidget with her hair and jewelry. A disinterested woman will keep looking away, will rarely smile and will keep her arms folded across her chest. And a very disinterested woman will reach for her mace while kneeing you in the groin. Again, they're all very subtle signs, but they can be detected.
10- Know about interest rates
Whether you're starting a small business, remodeling your home or just saving up for a brand new pony, there comes a time in every man's life when he needs to borrow money. The main thing you'll be judging when comparing potential lenders is the interest rate, which is essentially the price of the money. Ask several banks for quotes and then do the same with brokers. Above all else, don't be afraid to negotiate. Tell the lowest-priced broker you think he can do better. He might laugh in your face, but he also might give you a better than expected deal.
11- Impress your girlfriend's parents
When meeting your girlfriend's parents, keep in mind that first impressions can last a lifetime. If you're going to their home, bring a small gift like wine or flowers, and offer to pay if you're dining out. As for conversation, politely answer questions about yourself and do your best to appear interested in their lives and backgrounds. Seeing as how you already duped their daughter into liking you, getting the parents on board should be no problem at all.
12- Tell if her breasts are fake
Your date's breasts are round mounds of gravity-defying fun, but are they real? Although you can't ask her outright, you can look for a few telltale signs before you lure her home. If they're perfectly round, overly firm and sit suspiciously high on her chest, chances are they could be more artificial than George Hamilton's tan. The good news is that that's never stopped you before. Real or fake, enjoy those blouse bunnies while you still can!
13- Relax your muscles
You've just completed a strenuous workout with your girlfriend's five-pound weights and are really feeling the tension in your muscles. Now it's time for your cool down. Start by controlling your breathing. Take slow, deep breaths on a 4:4-second count. As you exhale, imagine all the tension leaving your body one muscle group at a time. All right, now who's ready for a box of Mallomars?
14- Sell stuff on eBay
So, you're finally thinking of selling your entire He-Man collection. Turn that thought into action by visiting eBay. To get the party started, you'll have to become a registered member and create a seller's account. Once you've done that, you can list your items by clicking the "Sell" button at the top of any eBay page. The site's accompanying "Sell Your Item" form will then guide you through a step-by-step process for listing your item. May the power of Grayskull be with you!
15- Mix a Stinger
Anyone up for a little brandy and white crème de menthe? Channel your inner Tom Cruise by creating this simple little cocktail. Pour 1½ ounces of brandy into a snifter half-filled with ice, then pour in 1½ ounces of white crème de menthe. It's a great tasting cocktail worthy of screen time in any Bond movie.
16- Get rid of pesky friends
Everyone has a friend they secretly can't stand. They show up when they're not wanted, they stick around long after all your other guests have gone home and they borrow your girlfriend without ever returning her. Fortunately, you can gradually eliminate these cretins from your life. Cut back by decreasing your availability, emotionally or otherwise. Quit doing them favors, stop returning their phone calls, and don't invite them along to parties and outings. If they still don't get the message, confront them and tell them politely.
17- Eat lobster without looking goofy
There are certain foods, like mussels and oysters, which can be downright tricky to eat -- especially if you try to devour the shells. But no food presents a more daunting task to the culinary neophyte than the lobster. Fortunately, you can outwit this crafty crustacean with the right tools. Put on your bib, pick up your nutcracker and get to work. Start by breaking off the legs through twisting them away from the body. Do the same with the claws, breaking them apart at the first joint. The meat in the legs can be sucked up easily but you'll need to tackle the claws with your trusty nutcracker. As for the bottom end of the lobster, grasp the tail with one hand and the lobster's back with the other, and give it a good twist. Now give it a good squeeze to crack the shell and push the tail meat through the larger hole with one finger. Keep in mind you might want to remove the digestive tract before devouring your underwater friend. Now that you've worked up an appetite, break out the garlic butter and enjoy!
18- Do a background check
These days you never want to get financially involved with someone unless you know their background inside and out. The good news is that performing an informal background check is easier than ever, thanks to the magic of the Internet. With a few simple keystrokes you can get the license plate information and social security numbers of nearly anybody. If that isn't enough, talk to people who might know your subjects well, call their alma mater about a supposed graduation date and connect the dots about all of the information you've uncovered.
19- Negotiate like a pro
In the words of a certain British philosopher, "You can't always get what you want but, if you try sometimes, you just might find, you get what you need." That, in a nutshell, is the art of negotiation. You too can get what you want by following these rules: Never make the first offer, aim high but never appear eager or impressed, know your opponent and always, always be willing to walk away. Now that's satisfaction!
20- Deal with your enemies
We all have enemies. Perhaps it's the schmuck dating your ex, maybe it's the "friend" who humiliated you in public or it could be the three mustachioed gentlemen who kicked you out of their barbershop quartet. And although karma does usually come around to smite these everyday nemeses, it doesn't mean you're powerless to alter the dynamics of the situation. Use your time to plan your revenge, don't publicize your beefs, always remain cool, and throw them off the scent by pretending to befriend them. How you choose to finish the job is entirely up to you.
21- Get a trademark
So, you're finally looking to acquire a trademark for your amazing new "Sedan Ceiling Fan." In order to get started, you'll want to contact the United States Patent and Trademark Office (USPTO.gov). Their comprehensive website lets you know if your trademark has already been registered. And, if it's still available, you can acquire the trademark for anywhere between $300 and $400.
22- Order sushi
When it comes to ordering sushi, you essentially have two choices: Nigiri or Maki. Nigiri is typically a pairing of raw fish (sashimi) and rice. Maki, meanwhile, is rolled sushi and comes wrapped in seaweed. Both are delicious, but Maki is a better choice for those new to the wonders of eating uncooked fish, as it has less of an overwhelming "fishy" taste. Try sampling a variety of dishes, toss in some tempura and, if you prefer your meals cooked, opt for chicken teriyaki. Keep in mind that sushi is meant to be savored, so enjoy it at a leisurely pace.
23- Survive a fistfight
You're a lover, not a fighter, which could explain why the last time you were involved in a fistfight, you lost to a 12-year-old girl (hey, in your defense, she was big for her age). But now that you've been backed into a corner again, you'll have to come out swinging like your life depends on it. Forget everything you've ever seen in the movies and be willing to fight dirty. Kick him in the gonads, give him an elbow to the head or the kidneys, and use your fingers to scratch/gouge his face, eyes and throat. You might even consider using your teeth, but be prepared to hang on tight (it's not honorable, but it might just save your life).
24- Bluff effectively
If you're looking to get something for nothing, then you'd better learn how to bluff. For starters, get your story straight, keep the bluff simple, consider the consequences of your deceit, and never underestimate the other guy. Getting caught in a web of your own lies is far too easy, so you'll ultimately only want to use bluffing as a last resort.
25- Survive getting caught with another woman
You're having a romantic dinner with your date when, all of a sudden, you notice your girlfriend out of the corner of your eye. She's rapidly headed towards your table and she looks like she's ready to circumcise you with her teeth. So what do you do? If you value your manhood, you calm the mood by introducing the two women. You take one of your lovers aside and explain you misunderstood your dating agreement and didn't fully appreciate the severity of your relationship. Then, you immediately choose between the two women on the spot. If this were a porno, you'd all end up in a threesome in the kitchen; however, since this is your life, you should be prepared for the possibility that both women will leave you in their dust.
more to come..........
Have you ever wondered why Patty and Selma never miss an episode of MacGyver? The reason is simple: Women (yes, even celibate, cartoon women) love a man with a vast reservoir of knowledge. Whether it's knowing what to say when you're in bed or being able to build an explosive out of a roll of toilet paper and a pile of pigeon poo, having all the right answers is just plain sexy.Make yourself as irresistible as Richard Dean Anderson by following the helpful tips.
1- Control your emotions at work
Far too many of us have seen our coworkers commit career suicide by throwing childlike tantrums at work. Fortunately, you can avoid the same fate by applying AskMen.com's certified job saving techniques. When something doesn't go your way, give yourself time before you react. Take a walk to cool down, talk to someone who can calm you down or go to the gym to work off your anger. If you don't have the luxury of time, ask for clarification before you react and give yourself a standing 10 count before you say something you might regret. Control your emotions before they control you.
2- Keep your memory sharp
Do you find yourself frequently forgetting the name of that do-hickey from the what-ja-mabob? The good news is retaining information is as easy as 1-2 and, uh... whatever number comes after two. When you receive new information, be an active listener, imagine that everything you hear and see is vital, make links between what you're trying to recollect and things you already know, and repeat what's said. Now what was I talking about?
3- Keep your clothes wrinkle-free
Are your clothes starting to look more wrinkled than Elizabeth Taylor's backside? Take immediate action through these simple steps: a) Fold and hang your clothes as soon as the dryer's spin cycle is complete; b) Always store a piece of clothing as soon as you take it off; and, c) Avoid pulling up your pants when sitting down. If all else fails, simply throw your clothes in the dryer a second time and they'll come out looking good as new.
4- Avoid a hangover
Just because you're planning on having a smashing night on the town, doesn't mean you have to have a smashing reminder the next day. Stop your hangover before it begins by preparing your body properly. Put some food in your beer belly, drink milk to coat the lining of your stomach and toss back a couple of multivitamins to minimize the amount of nutrients you'll lose.
5- Keep it up when you're tired
We all have moments in our lives when Little Elvis decides to leave the building. Be it booze, fatigue or a woman who looks like Abe Vigoda, there's probably a simple reason you can't get it up. If that reason happens to be fatigue, then the solution is easier than you think. Next time you think you're too pooped to pop, try eating, taking a nap or just zoning out in front of the tube. Your little friend will thank you for the chance to recuperate.
6- Avoid boredom at work I
f you're anything like most people, your work is likely more numbing than Novocaine. The good news is you can prevent yourself from slipping into REM by being proactive. Ask for new projects, volunteer for tasks not related to your job, expand your knowledge of your field and your industry, and turn downtime into networking time by engaging your colleagues in brainstorming sessions. With any luck, your newfound ability to stay awake might even land you a promotion out of the mailroom.
7- Choose a first-date location
First dates can be stressful enough, so why add to the pressure by choosing a lousy location? Win over your date from the start by proving that your "raison d'etre" is to provide her with the best life has to offer. Invite her to your place for a gourmet meal (sorry, mac & cheese doesn't count), whisk her away to a luxurious resort or simply enchant her with a picnic along the water. Oh, and one more thing. Whatever you do, make sure your wife isn't going to be there at the same time.
8- Spot a woman who will be good in bed
Sometimes you can just tell if a woman is going to be spectacular in the sack. If she's a good kisser, you know she has the potential to be sensuous. If she's a good dancer, you know she's comfortable with her body. If she's flexible, you know she can perform 101 positions in bed. And if she can skin a lion with her hands tied behind her back, you know she's the woman for you.
9- Read a woman's body language
Unlike cars and fondue sets, women don't come with owner's manuals. So if you want to understand them, you have to look closely for a number of subtle signs. For instance, a woman who is lustful will sit with her hips and chest out and will make prolonged eye contact. A woman who is feeling flirtatious will laugh more often than usual, smile constantly, and fidget with her hair and jewelry. A disinterested woman will keep looking away, will rarely smile and will keep her arms folded across her chest. And a very disinterested woman will reach for her mace while kneeing you in the groin. Again, they're all very subtle signs, but they can be detected.
10- Know about interest rates
Whether you're starting a small business, remodeling your home or just saving up for a brand new pony, there comes a time in every man's life when he needs to borrow money. The main thing you'll be judging when comparing potential lenders is the interest rate, which is essentially the price of the money. Ask several banks for quotes and then do the same with brokers. Above all else, don't be afraid to negotiate. Tell the lowest-priced broker you think he can do better. He might laugh in your face, but he also might give you a better than expected deal.
11- Impress your girlfriend's parents
When meeting your girlfriend's parents, keep in mind that first impressions can last a lifetime. If you're going to their home, bring a small gift like wine or flowers, and offer to pay if you're dining out. As for conversation, politely answer questions about yourself and do your best to appear interested in their lives and backgrounds. Seeing as how you already duped their daughter into liking you, getting the parents on board should be no problem at all.
12- Tell if her breasts are fake
Your date's breasts are round mounds of gravity-defying fun, but are they real? Although you can't ask her outright, you can look for a few telltale signs before you lure her home. If they're perfectly round, overly firm and sit suspiciously high on her chest, chances are they could be more artificial than George Hamilton's tan. The good news is that that's never stopped you before. Real or fake, enjoy those blouse bunnies while you still can!
13- Relax your muscles
You've just completed a strenuous workout with your girlfriend's five-pound weights and are really feeling the tension in your muscles. Now it's time for your cool down. Start by controlling your breathing. Take slow, deep breaths on a 4:4-second count. As you exhale, imagine all the tension leaving your body one muscle group at a time. All right, now who's ready for a box of Mallomars?
14- Sell stuff on eBay
So, you're finally thinking of selling your entire He-Man collection. Turn that thought into action by visiting eBay. To get the party started, you'll have to become a registered member and create a seller's account. Once you've done that, you can list your items by clicking the "Sell" button at the top of any eBay page. The site's accompanying "Sell Your Item" form will then guide you through a step-by-step process for listing your item. May the power of Grayskull be with you!
15- Mix a Stinger
Anyone up for a little brandy and white crème de menthe? Channel your inner Tom Cruise by creating this simple little cocktail. Pour 1½ ounces of brandy into a snifter half-filled with ice, then pour in 1½ ounces of white crème de menthe. It's a great tasting cocktail worthy of screen time in any Bond movie.
16- Get rid of pesky friends
Everyone has a friend they secretly can't stand. They show up when they're not wanted, they stick around long after all your other guests have gone home and they borrow your girlfriend without ever returning her. Fortunately, you can gradually eliminate these cretins from your life. Cut back by decreasing your availability, emotionally or otherwise. Quit doing them favors, stop returning their phone calls, and don't invite them along to parties and outings. If they still don't get the message, confront them and tell them politely.
17- Eat lobster without looking goofy
There are certain foods, like mussels and oysters, which can be downright tricky to eat -- especially if you try to devour the shells. But no food presents a more daunting task to the culinary neophyte than the lobster. Fortunately, you can outwit this crafty crustacean with the right tools. Put on your bib, pick up your nutcracker and get to work. Start by breaking off the legs through twisting them away from the body. Do the same with the claws, breaking them apart at the first joint. The meat in the legs can be sucked up easily but you'll need to tackle the claws with your trusty nutcracker. As for the bottom end of the lobster, grasp the tail with one hand and the lobster's back with the other, and give it a good twist. Now give it a good squeeze to crack the shell and push the tail meat through the larger hole with one finger. Keep in mind you might want to remove the digestive tract before devouring your underwater friend. Now that you've worked up an appetite, break out the garlic butter and enjoy!
18- Do a background check
These days you never want to get financially involved with someone unless you know their background inside and out. The good news is that performing an informal background check is easier than ever, thanks to the magic of the Internet. With a few simple keystrokes you can get the license plate information and social security numbers of nearly anybody. If that isn't enough, talk to people who might know your subjects well, call their alma mater about a supposed graduation date and connect the dots about all of the information you've uncovered.
19- Negotiate like a pro
In the words of a certain British philosopher, "You can't always get what you want but, if you try sometimes, you just might find, you get what you need." That, in a nutshell, is the art of negotiation. You too can get what you want by following these rules: Never make the first offer, aim high but never appear eager or impressed, know your opponent and always, always be willing to walk away. Now that's satisfaction!
20- Deal with your enemies
We all have enemies. Perhaps it's the schmuck dating your ex, maybe it's the "friend" who humiliated you in public or it could be the three mustachioed gentlemen who kicked you out of their barbershop quartet. And although karma does usually come around to smite these everyday nemeses, it doesn't mean you're powerless to alter the dynamics of the situation. Use your time to plan your revenge, don't publicize your beefs, always remain cool, and throw them off the scent by pretending to befriend them. How you choose to finish the job is entirely up to you.
21- Get a trademark
So, you're finally looking to acquire a trademark for your amazing new "Sedan Ceiling Fan." In order to get started, you'll want to contact the United States Patent and Trademark Office (USPTO.gov). Their comprehensive website lets you know if your trademark has already been registered. And, if it's still available, you can acquire the trademark for anywhere between $300 and $400.
22- Order sushi
When it comes to ordering sushi, you essentially have two choices: Nigiri or Maki. Nigiri is typically a pairing of raw fish (sashimi) and rice. Maki, meanwhile, is rolled sushi and comes wrapped in seaweed. Both are delicious, but Maki is a better choice for those new to the wonders of eating uncooked fish, as it has less of an overwhelming "fishy" taste. Try sampling a variety of dishes, toss in some tempura and, if you prefer your meals cooked, opt for chicken teriyaki. Keep in mind that sushi is meant to be savored, so enjoy it at a leisurely pace.
23- Survive a fistfight
You're a lover, not a fighter, which could explain why the last time you were involved in a fistfight, you lost to a 12-year-old girl (hey, in your defense, she was big for her age). But now that you've been backed into a corner again, you'll have to come out swinging like your life depends on it. Forget everything you've ever seen in the movies and be willing to fight dirty. Kick him in the gonads, give him an elbow to the head or the kidneys, and use your fingers to scratch/gouge his face, eyes and throat. You might even consider using your teeth, but be prepared to hang on tight (it's not honorable, but it might just save your life).
24- Bluff effectively
If you're looking to get something for nothing, then you'd better learn how to bluff. For starters, get your story straight, keep the bluff simple, consider the consequences of your deceit, and never underestimate the other guy. Getting caught in a web of your own lies is far too easy, so you'll ultimately only want to use bluffing as a last resort.
25- Survive getting caught with another woman
You're having a romantic dinner with your date when, all of a sudden, you notice your girlfriend out of the corner of your eye. She's rapidly headed towards your table and she looks like she's ready to circumcise you with her teeth. So what do you do? If you value your manhood, you calm the mood by introducing the two women. You take one of your lovers aside and explain you misunderstood your dating agreement and didn't fully appreciate the severity of your relationship. Then, you immediately choose between the two women on the spot. If this were a porno, you'd all end up in a threesome in the kitchen; however, since this is your life, you should be prepared for the possibility that both women will leave you in their dust.
more to come..........
posted by D-Tox at 8:33 AM
0 comments
Recruiting from the Mullet Wrapper
Recruiting $uccess is relative
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
Things I learned from Internet message boards in the past few days:
Urban Meyer is cheating. There's no way the Gators' recruiting class,
ranked No. 1 in the country by virtually every service that ranks recruiting
classes, is a product of hard work, solid salesmanship and ample opportunity
at one of the nation's premier programs. Is there?
Also, Ed Orgeron is cheating. The Ole Miss coach is putting together a
top-10 recruiting class on the heels of a 3-8 season, staff tension and
player defections. There's just no way Orgeron, who is lauded for his
recruiting successes as an assistant at Miami, Syracuse and Southern
California, has been able to lure top talent to play in Oxford. New
state-of-the-art facilities, an opportunity to play early in the SEC and
relentless recruiting can't explain his success. Right?
Maybe, maybe not. Who knows? I certainly don't, but disgruntled rival
fans have made up their minds. Oh yeah, if Georgia gets Homewood wide
receiver Tim Hawthorne, Mark Richt is cheating. If LSU or USC somehow land
Birmingham offensive tackle Andre Smith, Les Miles and/or Pete Carroll are
obviously cheating.
That's what I've learned on the Internet recently. Everyone is
cheating. When Shelby, N.C., linebacker Brandon Spikes picked Florida over
Alabama, it was inexplicable. After all, the Tide needs linebackers more
than Florida does. And who would turn down a chance to play in Tuscaloosa
when the alternative is Gainesville? Obviously -- and I saw this one on the
Internet too -- $pikes got bought.
When Boutte, La., defensive end Kentrell Lockett picked Ole Miss over
Alabama, that was an even more egregious example, according to the message
boards, of shady recruiting. A coveted player picking the lowly Rebels over
the Tide? Come on. The fact that Lockett is no worse than second-string on
the depth chart to play for a fellow south Louisianan and a program that had
been recruiting him longer than anyone else just won't explain it.
Clearly -- watch this, I'm learning -- Ole Mi$$ did something untoward to
land Lockett.
Here's where I get confused, though. If Meyer is such a cheater, how
did he lose two Fort Lauderdale, Fla., offensive linemen -- Sam Young and
Dan Wenger -- to Notre Dame? Are the Irish cheating too? If Orgeron is such
a cheater, shouldn't he learn to shop at home? After all, three of the
Rebels' top four in-state targets have committed elsewhere. Ocean Springs
tight end Richard Dickson, who has family connections to Ole Miss, committed
to LSU. So did Jackson linebacker Derrick Odom. Oh yeah, Oxford defensive
back Justin Woodall committed to Alabama.
The point, of course, is no one in this part of the country can safely
cast stones when it comes to recruiting. Show me a program in the Deep South
that is crystal clean when it comes to recruiting and I'll show you a trophy
case that is devoid of any crystal.
The majority of top-notch recruits want to know how quickly a coach
can get him on the field and how well a program can prepare him for the NFL.
The rest, including tradition and championships from the 1940s, is just
window dressing.
Believe that if you choose. If not, keep throwing accusations around.
If nothing else, I find them entertaining.
Contact Neal McCready at:
nmccready@mobileregister.com
His column appears on Wednesdays in the Register.
© 2006 The Mobile Register
© 2006 al.com All Rights Reserved.
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
Things I learned from Internet message boards in the past few days:
Urban Meyer is cheating. There's no way the Gators' recruiting class,
ranked No. 1 in the country by virtually every service that ranks recruiting
classes, is a product of hard work, solid salesmanship and ample opportunity
at one of the nation's premier programs. Is there?
Also, Ed Orgeron is cheating. The Ole Miss coach is putting together a
top-10 recruiting class on the heels of a 3-8 season, staff tension and
player defections. There's just no way Orgeron, who is lauded for his
recruiting successes as an assistant at Miami, Syracuse and Southern
California, has been able to lure top talent to play in Oxford. New
state-of-the-art facilities, an opportunity to play early in the SEC and
relentless recruiting can't explain his success. Right?
Maybe, maybe not. Who knows? I certainly don't, but disgruntled rival
fans have made up their minds. Oh yeah, if Georgia gets Homewood wide
receiver Tim Hawthorne, Mark Richt is cheating. If LSU or USC somehow land
Birmingham offensive tackle Andre Smith, Les Miles and/or Pete Carroll are
obviously cheating.
That's what I've learned on the Internet recently. Everyone is
cheating. When Shelby, N.C., linebacker Brandon Spikes picked Florida over
Alabama, it was inexplicable. After all, the Tide needs linebackers more
than Florida does. And who would turn down a chance to play in Tuscaloosa
when the alternative is Gainesville? Obviously -- and I saw this one on the
Internet too -- $pikes got bought.
When Boutte, La., defensive end Kentrell Lockett picked Ole Miss over
Alabama, that was an even more egregious example, according to the message
boards, of shady recruiting. A coveted player picking the lowly Rebels over
the Tide? Come on. The fact that Lockett is no worse than second-string on
the depth chart to play for a fellow south Louisianan and a program that had
been recruiting him longer than anyone else just won't explain it.
Clearly -- watch this, I'm learning -- Ole Mi$$ did something untoward to
land Lockett.
Here's where I get confused, though. If Meyer is such a cheater, how
did he lose two Fort Lauderdale, Fla., offensive linemen -- Sam Young and
Dan Wenger -- to Notre Dame? Are the Irish cheating too? If Orgeron is such
a cheater, shouldn't he learn to shop at home? After all, three of the
Rebels' top four in-state targets have committed elsewhere. Ocean Springs
tight end Richard Dickson, who has family connections to Ole Miss, committed
to LSU. So did Jackson linebacker Derrick Odom. Oh yeah, Oxford defensive
back Justin Woodall committed to Alabama.
The point, of course, is no one in this part of the country can safely
cast stones when it comes to recruiting. Show me a program in the Deep South
that is crystal clean when it comes to recruiting and I'll show you a trophy
case that is devoid of any crystal.
The majority of top-notch recruits want to know how quickly a coach
can get him on the field and how well a program can prepare him for the NFL.
The rest, including tradition and championships from the 1940s, is just
window dressing.
Believe that if you choose. If not, keep throwing accusations around.
If nothing else, I find them entertaining.
Contact Neal McCready at:
nmccready@mobileregister.com
His column appears on Wednesdays in the Register.
© 2006 The Mobile Register
© 2006 al.com All Rights Reserved.
posted by D-Tox at 8:22 AM
0 comments
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
quote of the week
"It is easy -- terribly easy -- to shake a man's faith in himself. To take advantage of that to break a man's spirit is devil's work." - George Bernard Shaw
posted by D-Tox at 12:02 PM
0 comments
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
Quote of the Day
"It is one of the superstitions of the human mind to have imagined that virginity could be a virtue." - Voltaire
posted by D-Tox at 3:38 AM
0 comments
Monday, January 16, 2006
keep your eyes open
KLM, this isn't about you, just sharing something interesting with other people who may have been cheated on like I was in the past......................from Askmen.com. I will put an "X" after ones that I totally was oblvious to.
8 Signs She May Be Cheating
By Tamara Hanson
Women can be extremely cunning when they're trying to conceal a huge secret, including hiding an affair from their significant other. In some cases, their best friend may not even know what's going on.
But even the craftiest of women may show signs of extracurricular activity or unusual behavior; you just have to learn to pick up on them.
It goes without saying that there are more obvious signs of a cheat, like staying out late and being dodgy about her whereabouts or phone calls. But there are other signs that aren't so obvious and, if you aren't prepared, you might miss them.
However, seeing one or more of the following behaviors is not a clear sign that your girlfriend is cheating. The only true indication is when you confront her and she fesses up.
So, without further ado, here are eight signs that your lady could be cheating on you.
1- Her approach to sex changes Forms of this sign can range from wanting to try new positions to becoming more dominant in the bedroom to a sudden infrequency of sex. The latter of the three may be a huge sign to some, but to those very few who can go without it for long periods of time (by choice), it may not be as clear. If she's traditionally the instigator in the relationship and she isn't instigating anymore, or less frequently, a red flag should be going up, as she could be getting it from someone else. X
2- She's too accommodating. Is your girlfriend suddenly encouraging your poker night with the boys and cleaning your place when she has never done it before? Is she trying extremely hard to please you by making your favorite meals every evening? Does she bring over small tokens of affection? If this is unusual behavior, and you know she hasn't been watching Dr. Phil, then guilt could be eating away at her.
3- She dresses differently This can be an obvious sign if a drastic change was made overnight. If it was a progressive shift, you may not have noticed anything out of the ordinary. Assess when she started wearing those stiletto heels and low-cut blouses. Determine if anything else happened at the time of this change: Did she get a new job? Did she lose weight? Then, decide whether you consider this normal behavior or if it's a drastic change in her usual dressing pattern. X
4- She's overly defensive You ask her a simple question like "What did you do today?" and suddenly she's tripping out. If she appears edgy when you ask her insignificant questions about her day and then accuses you of being controlling or nagging, this could be a sign that she has something else cooking. If she has something to hide, she may feel like you're investigating and are out to make her tell the truth. X
5- She makes new friends Making new friends can be a good thing, unless she isn't introducing any of them to you. And if she won't reveal where they're going or if she's giving you vague details, then these so-called "friends" are something you should be concerned about. X
6- She reveals too much She tells you all the details of her night out with her friends, including what they ate, who was there and who said what. This is all information you probably wouldn't care about on any other day; you may even wonder why she's telling you all this trivial stuff. Heads up: This information could mean a lot if you read between the lines. X
7- She initiates strange conversations She starts asking you hypothetical questions like "What do you think of people who have affairs?" or she begins telling you about a "friend" who is cheating on her boyfriend. This could be her way of gauging your reaction to her cheating ways. X
8- She's mean to you in publicShe's getting nasty, making fun of you to your face. And it's not the "I'm just kidding" type of fun. She picks on you in front of your friends. Something's probably up, as couples should have each other's backs in public. It could be that she's coming out of her shell and you're her target. If she's cheating, she won't feel the need to be nice to you anymore. Think about it; she has someone else on the side, why should she worry about you?
keep one eye open. XXX BIG time
Now don't become paranoid; the purpose of listing these signs is to provide you with a guide so you'll be aware of the not-so-obvious signals. Pay attention to her behavior and personality, but don't go overboard. If she starts dressing differently or makes new friends, that doesn't necessarily mean she's having an affair.
So make sure you have all the facts before accusing her of cheating. She may be going through other changes in her life that you aren't aware of.
However, if you do discover she's cheating on you, then dump her immediately and find a woman who will appreciate you.
I finally found her.........
8 Signs She May Be Cheating
By Tamara Hanson
Women can be extremely cunning when they're trying to conceal a huge secret, including hiding an affair from their significant other. In some cases, their best friend may not even know what's going on.
But even the craftiest of women may show signs of extracurricular activity or unusual behavior; you just have to learn to pick up on them.
It goes without saying that there are more obvious signs of a cheat, like staying out late and being dodgy about her whereabouts or phone calls. But there are other signs that aren't so obvious and, if you aren't prepared, you might miss them.
However, seeing one or more of the following behaviors is not a clear sign that your girlfriend is cheating. The only true indication is when you confront her and she fesses up.
So, without further ado, here are eight signs that your lady could be cheating on you.
1- Her approach to sex changes Forms of this sign can range from wanting to try new positions to becoming more dominant in the bedroom to a sudden infrequency of sex. The latter of the three may be a huge sign to some, but to those very few who can go without it for long periods of time (by choice), it may not be as clear. If she's traditionally the instigator in the relationship and she isn't instigating anymore, or less frequently, a red flag should be going up, as she could be getting it from someone else. X
2- She's too accommodating. Is your girlfriend suddenly encouraging your poker night with the boys and cleaning your place when she has never done it before? Is she trying extremely hard to please you by making your favorite meals every evening? Does she bring over small tokens of affection? If this is unusual behavior, and you know she hasn't been watching Dr. Phil, then guilt could be eating away at her.
3- She dresses differently This can be an obvious sign if a drastic change was made overnight. If it was a progressive shift, you may not have noticed anything out of the ordinary. Assess when she started wearing those stiletto heels and low-cut blouses. Determine if anything else happened at the time of this change: Did she get a new job? Did she lose weight? Then, decide whether you consider this normal behavior or if it's a drastic change in her usual dressing pattern. X
4- She's overly defensive You ask her a simple question like "What did you do today?" and suddenly she's tripping out. If she appears edgy when you ask her insignificant questions about her day and then accuses you of being controlling or nagging, this could be a sign that she has something else cooking. If she has something to hide, she may feel like you're investigating and are out to make her tell the truth. X
5- She makes new friends Making new friends can be a good thing, unless she isn't introducing any of them to you. And if she won't reveal where they're going or if she's giving you vague details, then these so-called "friends" are something you should be concerned about. X
6- She reveals too much She tells you all the details of her night out with her friends, including what they ate, who was there and who said what. This is all information you probably wouldn't care about on any other day; you may even wonder why she's telling you all this trivial stuff. Heads up: This information could mean a lot if you read between the lines. X
7- She initiates strange conversations She starts asking you hypothetical questions like "What do you think of people who have affairs?" or she begins telling you about a "friend" who is cheating on her boyfriend. This could be her way of gauging your reaction to her cheating ways. X
8- She's mean to you in publicShe's getting nasty, making fun of you to your face. And it's not the "I'm just kidding" type of fun. She picks on you in front of your friends. Something's probably up, as couples should have each other's backs in public. It could be that she's coming out of her shell and you're her target. If she's cheating, she won't feel the need to be nice to you anymore. Think about it; she has someone else on the side, why should she worry about you?
keep one eye open. XXX BIG time
Now don't become paranoid; the purpose of listing these signs is to provide you with a guide so you'll be aware of the not-so-obvious signals. Pay attention to her behavior and personality, but don't go overboard. If she starts dressing differently or makes new friends, that doesn't necessarily mean she's having an affair.
So make sure you have all the facts before accusing her of cheating. She may be going through other changes in her life that you aren't aware of.
However, if you do discover she's cheating on you, then dump her immediately and find a woman who will appreciate you.
I finally found her.........
posted by D-Tox at 5:20 AM
0 comments
Previous Posts
- quote of the week
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- 25 Things Every Man Should Know How to Do.
- Recruiting from the Mullet Wrapper
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